I took a deep breath after reading this, and I must first say, you are an incredible writer.🥹
On Okunta Kinte, life is strange in its timing. If I had come across this post just yesterday, I would have wondered who he was. But Instagram recommended his page to me, and I found myself lingering there for hours. I couldn’t look away. Like you, I found myself conflicted, grappling with the same questions you raised.
I don’t believe it’s okay to willfully want death, it feels like a sign that something deeper, something more, is terribly wrong. But then I thought, isn’t that the point? Okunta Kinte never hides the fact that something is wrong. The bipolar disorder, the pain, the battle I can’t fully understand, that’s what’s wrong. And yet, here I am, asking myself, what right do I have to question how he chooses to bear it?
It feels like an impossible paradox. How do you comfort a heart destined to break anyway? How do you offer hope to a soul that has stared down its end countless times? I keep thinking about the ones still fighting, the children, the people quietly struggling to hold on. Is this okay? Does this choice make it harder for them? I don’t know.
And honestly? It leaves me feeling like a mother, faced with the impossible task of choosing which of her children’s needs takes precedence. How do you weigh one person’s suffering against another’s survival? How do you extend grace to one without feeling as though you’ve failed the other?
This isn’t something with clean answers. All I know is that it’s messy and heartbreaking.
Hamda, compassion has to hold space for everyone, the ones who fight tirelessly, the ones who feel like they’ve reached their limit, and even those of us standing on the sidelines, trying to understand. Compassion doesn’t ask us to choose, it asks us to listen, to bear witness, and to honor each person’s journey, no matter how different it looks from our own.
Maybe the best I can do is to extend that compassion—to Okunta Kinte, to those still fighting, and to the quiet, very fragile hope that there is meaning even in the brokenness.🤍
Oh goodness this is the best comment yet. Compassion has to hold space for everyone. I’ve told myself maybe it’s not for me to understand. Maybe I just need to give myself space to feel the discomfort of Okunta Kinte’s journey. The pity. The wanting to take his pain away. But that’s it, it’s just feelings. Just like you said it’s an impossible paradox. A part of me gets wanting to end pain. I discovered yesterday he also fought through cancer. How much can a person take? And is it my right to say “oh no you can’t take your own life?”
I enjoyed reading Hamda's post and considered leaving a comment, but after reading yours, I realized that anything I wrote would be a disservice to your well-thought-out comment.
He won't end up doing it. He's sharing a friend's DDay and people are confusing it for his. Even if he decided to do it it won't be for years - conveniently after his social dinners and published book release. Oh and also after the lawsuit just filed against him this past July for $200K+.
I wrote something similar on his iG and was immediately blocked. I don't think he'll do it either. I have met men like him, who record their pain for the internet or for others, or threaten su1c1de to get their way. Its manipulation. Statistically, men tend to complete su1c1de because they choose more violent methods. His claims to have had 5 attempts make it more likely he is manipulative.
I also wrote a piece on Assisted Euthanasia because of him.
I understand you Hamda... I understand the confusion... Like I'm not judging him but I'm somehow not in support yet it's not my decision to make and I know it... Just a jumble of emotions when I go through his Instagram...
All I know is life is hard but it could be worth living... On some days—lol.
Always have it at the back of your mind that even if you're not willing or able to talk to those who know you personally... There's a community of people here who would listen and actually hear you❤️
Me inclusive 💕 you can reach out when it's too much 💕
I learnt about Okunta Kinte through through his series The Last Supper Project, I love that series. It amazes me how his decision somehow pushed him to explore boundaries. His decision to choose death is one that I ponder about a lot, I personally feel he choose peace
This is a compelling read. You’ve captured the depth of mental health struggles in a way that resonates. That said, I’m skeptical about the assisted euthanasia claims given the inconsistencies in his story. De Volkskrant recently unpacked some of these contradictions, thought you might find their take interesting:
Thanks for sharing this. It was a detailed read. I unfollowed him because I was getting triggered but I remember having a conversation with a friend and saying this is just an artist scam. Him making people pay for the last supper sounded off. I just didn’t know it ran deeper. Oh well! Such is life. There are people who will monetize everything at the detriment of others. Who are not afraid to scam and steal. Purely insane.
I am a Jesus freak but I'm just about to step off a bus so I'll just say this, there are answers in God. If we take the time to ask and listen, we will get the answers eventually. And He gives us peace even when we're in the midst of questions.
I don’t think you stepped off a bus. You’re in the bus. And that’s okay. But God isn’t always the answer. Or maybe it’s that we can’t always hear God when we are blinded by so much pain and the suffering begins to seem unending.
do you think that if someone were curating and acting in the same way for birthing a child, it would be innapropriate¿ or wrong¿ to influence young impressionable people.
we are always influenced. the problem is not someone making this choice and not hiding it, its our societal ways of holding and not revering death. just as we, widespread, do not revere life and birth. the problem is no one talks about or welcomes talks about suicide, people do not know love or friendship, lack of support and resources.
i fundamentally believe autonomy does not end with death. what pisses me off more is how revered it is to go to war and kill and be killed, that is honorable, (maybe not to you, but to many) and impressionable on children and helps governments use people for their own means. a person struggling, deciding to do what he wishes with his life and not allowing societal hypocrites to have him hide, is not a problem.
I see your point. Anything can influence anyone and young people are impressionable.
In Okunta Kinte’s case, it just still leaves me conflicted and maybe there’s a saviour complex in there.
With choosing death the surmising thought is that the person who’s making this choice is struggling mentally, and I struggle with accepting there’s nothing that can save them. Nothing that can help them be better.
I’m not very optimistic in life, but I make space for things like this. I like to believe even on the darkest days, there’s always potential for a glimmer of light.
This might be me projecting in how I handle my own mental health struggles. Or it might be etched in the fact that a part of me sees death as a finality. An end to a possibly fulfilling existence. As a negative thing.
So when someone chooses death by themselves, I can’t help but feel like they were failed in some way. Like the world never gave them a solution to their struggles.
Now of course this isn’t exactly what the story is about. But I do hope it gives you more context as to how I ended up writing it in this particular way.
I don’t see videos about birthing a child and videos about choosing to die in the same way. Again, this is from the lens of my own reality. Who I am as a person.
Sometimes all you’re hanging by is a thread and you don’t need to be shoved more towards the edge. It’s what Okunta Kinte’s videos represent to me. I skip through them quickly whenever they pop on my tl.
If I’m experiencing this, others might be too. And maybe in the eyes of how it impacts others, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
But on the other end, nothing is really black or white. Because I think it’s not a good thing for others looking at the situation unfold from the outside, does not mean it’s not a good thing for Okunta Kinte’s himself.
Summary is; I agree with you but, I also agree with me.
i do appreciate that youre openly grappling with and thinking about how this feels for you. that's important and i think it's valuable for others to be guided through that as well (which i see your writing doing).
im of the mindset that no one has authority over anothers life. we have means, in many areas of the world, to live longer lives but im sure that wasn't the case always everywhere (what is a reasonable length of a life, what informs this, and who decides?). i think of life as infinite, nuance, and special in experience. no two lives can every really be the same, no two people are either. not when everything is constantly changing (you may never understand what he is going through. that's okay.)
i have a lot of heartache for people who are alive but not living. Okunta Kinte does not look like he is not living. i guess my mind goes to how you might hold other people if they were to share feelings of suicide. people who you would more greatly impact and yes, it does sound like a saviour complex.
my experience with suicidal ideation and suicidal people is that its often because we feel like we have no control. to share these feelings is very brave but when someone worries more about enforcing, pushing, or suggesting their own ideas/desires (which includes what happens to my life and body that i breath life into, no one else) it does not feel like listening. it doesn't feel like being held. it feels again like someone outside of me wants to control what i think and feel because it makes them uncomfortable. because they cannot stand what the suicidal person befriends every day.
so that is more light to why i come from where i do. i think the kinder thing is to listen and really hear. it sounds like Okunta Kinte is happier or at peace, like you said, because he has taken life into his own hands. is that not what we all should have?
Been trying to understand what you mean with your first 3 statements. I don't know if you're being literal or figurative.
Anyways, you're right. It's hard to hear God when we're blinded by faith. Just like Peter began to sink when he became overwhelmed by the noise of the storns around him. Eventually the storms were calmed but for a moment of faith, he was able to 'surf' the waves without sinking simply by choosing to believe what Jesus said to him.
There's a lot God has said that are supposed to be surfboards for when the waves threaten to overwhelm us but it takes extraordinary focus many times to keep them in our sight. Sometimes, sinking is easier.
I took a deep breath after reading this, and I must first say, you are an incredible writer.🥹
On Okunta Kinte, life is strange in its timing. If I had come across this post just yesterday, I would have wondered who he was. But Instagram recommended his page to me, and I found myself lingering there for hours. I couldn’t look away. Like you, I found myself conflicted, grappling with the same questions you raised.
I don’t believe it’s okay to willfully want death, it feels like a sign that something deeper, something more, is terribly wrong. But then I thought, isn’t that the point? Okunta Kinte never hides the fact that something is wrong. The bipolar disorder, the pain, the battle I can’t fully understand, that’s what’s wrong. And yet, here I am, asking myself, what right do I have to question how he chooses to bear it?
It feels like an impossible paradox. How do you comfort a heart destined to break anyway? How do you offer hope to a soul that has stared down its end countless times? I keep thinking about the ones still fighting, the children, the people quietly struggling to hold on. Is this okay? Does this choice make it harder for them? I don’t know.
And honestly? It leaves me feeling like a mother, faced with the impossible task of choosing which of her children’s needs takes precedence. How do you weigh one person’s suffering against another’s survival? How do you extend grace to one without feeling as though you’ve failed the other?
This isn’t something with clean answers. All I know is that it’s messy and heartbreaking.
Hamda, compassion has to hold space for everyone, the ones who fight tirelessly, the ones who feel like they’ve reached their limit, and even those of us standing on the sidelines, trying to understand. Compassion doesn’t ask us to choose, it asks us to listen, to bear witness, and to honor each person’s journey, no matter how different it looks from our own.
Maybe the best I can do is to extend that compassion—to Okunta Kinte, to those still fighting, and to the quiet, very fragile hope that there is meaning even in the brokenness.🤍
Oh goodness this is the best comment yet. Compassion has to hold space for everyone. I’ve told myself maybe it’s not for me to understand. Maybe I just need to give myself space to feel the discomfort of Okunta Kinte’s journey. The pity. The wanting to take his pain away. But that’s it, it’s just feelings. Just like you said it’s an impossible paradox. A part of me gets wanting to end pain. I discovered yesterday he also fought through cancer. How much can a person take? And is it my right to say “oh no you can’t take your own life?”
It’s a lot. I don’t know what to hope for.
Wow!
Yikes. That’s a lot for one person. May the Lord make his journey easy and his burden light. ❤️
I enjoyed reading Hamda's post and considered leaving a comment, but after reading yours, I realized that anything I wrote would be a disservice to your well-thought-out comment.
Thank you for writing this.🥺
Thank you for your warm words!🥺🤍
You’re welcome.
He won't end up doing it. He's sharing a friend's DDay and people are confusing it for his. Even if he decided to do it it won't be for years - conveniently after his social dinners and published book release. Oh and also after the lawsuit just filed against him this past July for $200K+.
I wrote something similar on his iG and was immediately blocked. I don't think he'll do it either. I have met men like him, who record their pain for the internet or for others, or threaten su1c1de to get their way. Its manipulation. Statistically, men tend to complete su1c1de because they choose more violent methods. His claims to have had 5 attempts make it more likely he is manipulative.
I also wrote a piece on Assisted Euthanasia because of him.
I understand you Hamda... I understand the confusion... Like I'm not judging him but I'm somehow not in support yet it's not my decision to make and I know it... Just a jumble of emotions when I go through his Instagram...
All I know is life is hard but it could be worth living... On some days—lol.
Thank you for sharing this. This writing was beautifully heart breaking. And as someone with Bipolar Disorder, thank you for sharing his story.
You’re welcome Ashleigh 💕
I'm not so sane myself but you could talk ❤️
Always have it at the back of your mind that even if you're not willing or able to talk to those who know you personally... There's a community of people here who would listen and actually hear you❤️
Me inclusive 💕 you can reach out when it's too much 💕
I learnt about Okunta Kinte through through his series The Last Supper Project, I love that series. It amazes me how his decision somehow pushed him to explore boundaries. His decision to choose death is one that I ponder about a lot, I personally feel he choose peace
This is a compelling read. You’ve captured the depth of mental health struggles in a way that resonates. That said, I’m skeptical about the assisted euthanasia claims given the inconsistencies in his story. De Volkskrant recently unpacked some of these contradictions, thought you might find their take interesting:
https://www.volkskrant.nl/cultuur-media/this-influencer-told-an-incredible-story-about-his-impending-death-by-euthanasia-but-how-does-this-affect-his-followers~b7ad0440/?referrer=https%3A%2F%2Ft.co%2F&utm_campaign=shared_earned&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter
Regardless, appreciate you tackling such a tough topic with nuance.
Thanks for sharing this. It was a detailed read. I unfollowed him because I was getting triggered but I remember having a conversation with a friend and saying this is just an artist scam. Him making people pay for the last supper sounded off. I just didn’t know it ran deeper. Oh well! Such is life. There are people who will monetize everything at the detriment of others. Who are not afraid to scam and steal. Purely insane.
Oooh my, I read this, wanted to post on my Instagram, I opened Instagram and I saw kinte😔
Sigh. I unfollowed him after I wrote this. I didn’t like that I was getting triggered all the time. Trying to manage my own mental state.
I have a lot to say, I wanted to write a full episode about him, but idk, it’s just so weird
I am a Jesus freak but I'm just about to step off a bus so I'll just say this, there are answers in God. If we take the time to ask and listen, we will get the answers eventually. And He gives us peace even when we're in the midst of questions.
I don’t think you stepped off a bus. You’re in the bus. And that’s okay. But God isn’t always the answer. Or maybe it’s that we can’t always hear God when we are blinded by so much pain and the suffering begins to seem unending.
do you think that if someone were curating and acting in the same way for birthing a child, it would be innapropriate¿ or wrong¿ to influence young impressionable people.
we are always influenced. the problem is not someone making this choice and not hiding it, its our societal ways of holding and not revering death. just as we, widespread, do not revere life and birth. the problem is no one talks about or welcomes talks about suicide, people do not know love or friendship, lack of support and resources.
i fundamentally believe autonomy does not end with death. what pisses me off more is how revered it is to go to war and kill and be killed, that is honorable, (maybe not to you, but to many) and impressionable on children and helps governments use people for their own means. a person struggling, deciding to do what he wishes with his life and not allowing societal hypocrites to have him hide, is not a problem.
I see your point. Anything can influence anyone and young people are impressionable.
In Okunta Kinte’s case, it just still leaves me conflicted and maybe there’s a saviour complex in there.
With choosing death the surmising thought is that the person who’s making this choice is struggling mentally, and I struggle with accepting there’s nothing that can save them. Nothing that can help them be better.
I’m not very optimistic in life, but I make space for things like this. I like to believe even on the darkest days, there’s always potential for a glimmer of light.
This might be me projecting in how I handle my own mental health struggles. Or it might be etched in the fact that a part of me sees death as a finality. An end to a possibly fulfilling existence. As a negative thing.
So when someone chooses death by themselves, I can’t help but feel like they were failed in some way. Like the world never gave them a solution to their struggles.
Now of course this isn’t exactly what the story is about. But I do hope it gives you more context as to how I ended up writing it in this particular way.
I don’t see videos about birthing a child and videos about choosing to die in the same way. Again, this is from the lens of my own reality. Who I am as a person.
Sometimes all you’re hanging by is a thread and you don’t need to be shoved more towards the edge. It’s what Okunta Kinte’s videos represent to me. I skip through them quickly whenever they pop on my tl.
If I’m experiencing this, others might be too. And maybe in the eyes of how it impacts others, it’s not necessarily a good thing.
But on the other end, nothing is really black or white. Because I think it’s not a good thing for others looking at the situation unfold from the outside, does not mean it’s not a good thing for Okunta Kinte’s himself.
Summary is; I agree with you but, I also agree with me.
i do appreciate that youre openly grappling with and thinking about how this feels for you. that's important and i think it's valuable for others to be guided through that as well (which i see your writing doing).
im of the mindset that no one has authority over anothers life. we have means, in many areas of the world, to live longer lives but im sure that wasn't the case always everywhere (what is a reasonable length of a life, what informs this, and who decides?). i think of life as infinite, nuance, and special in experience. no two lives can every really be the same, no two people are either. not when everything is constantly changing (you may never understand what he is going through. that's okay.)
i have a lot of heartache for people who are alive but not living. Okunta Kinte does not look like he is not living. i guess my mind goes to how you might hold other people if they were to share feelings of suicide. people who you would more greatly impact and yes, it does sound like a saviour complex.
my experience with suicidal ideation and suicidal people is that its often because we feel like we have no control. to share these feelings is very brave but when someone worries more about enforcing, pushing, or suggesting their own ideas/desires (which includes what happens to my life and body that i breath life into, no one else) it does not feel like listening. it doesn't feel like being held. it feels again like someone outside of me wants to control what i think and feel because it makes them uncomfortable. because they cannot stand what the suicidal person befriends every day.
so that is more light to why i come from where i do. i think the kinder thing is to listen and really hear. it sounds like Okunta Kinte is happier or at peace, like you said, because he has taken life into his own hands. is that not what we all should have?
That’s all we all have 💕
Sending you love Mercury
Been trying to understand what you mean with your first 3 statements. I don't know if you're being literal or figurative.
Anyways, you're right. It's hard to hear God when we're blinded by faith. Just like Peter began to sink when he became overwhelmed by the noise of the storns around him. Eventually the storms were calmed but for a moment of faith, he was able to 'surf' the waves without sinking simply by choosing to believe what Jesus said to him.
There's a lot God has said that are supposed to be surfboards for when the waves threaten to overwhelm us but it takes extraordinary focus many times to keep them in our sight. Sometimes, sinking is easier.